Heard?

Feb. 6th, 2006 07:54 pm
ibneko: (Default)
Don't you hear the screams? Just next to you? All the screams of the people, trying to get out. Why won't they stop? Don't they realize it won't do them any good? The door's been shut, there's no longer a way out. Their world is collapsing, they chose that themselves. There's nothing anyone on this side can do now...
ibneko: (Default)
'cause honestly. I'm not enjoying these classes. 'cept for CS225. Physics I don't like, ECE210 I HATE. I don't think I would enjoy doing this as work when I grow up.

Thinking about things, my ideal job would be a network admin. Or software developer. Or white hat (or at least, grey hat) hacker. Because things like that I enjoy. Solving puzzles, learning new things on the go. Having read "Stealing the Network: How To Own The Box", I found those individuals quite cool. And I think it gave me a pretty good idea of what those people might do. Being hired as a network security consultant, having to disassemble viruses, etc. It's probably a over-ly glorified thing, really, but.. still... I don't know. Granted, the pay might not be as good as a real engineering job, but I don't see why I can't hold one of those as well, although it's true that if I'm going to do that (I think I'm going to go towards the wireless field. 'cause that interests me. However, this requires knowledge of all the icky waves and whatnot. Exactly what I'm learning and hating right now.)

Maybe I just hate the class because I don't understand this stuff. So the hate is a spawn of the frustration and stress that's kicking around in my system. Sanity's been throwing red flags at me this entire weekend, with the frustration and stress and hate border-lining at red.

--

Despite knowing that slacking is just a lack of self-control enforcement, why can't I control it better? That, being distracted and focusing... all not happening. I don' t think I've seriously focused for a full hour this weekend, meaning much of the time I've sat here studying hasn't really been too much help, which is really bad. The exam is thursday, and as things stand, I'm going to be busy tonight (monday night) with physics, and ECE210 homework, and ECE385 stuff, most likely. The frantic hell will last, as usual, until wednesday, without a doubt. Unless I change my schedule. And with ice skating starting, it means I'm going to need to wake up earlier now. At 8:00, which is insanely early for me - seeing how I haven't done that for a few weeks now.

I wish I could move into a single. I can't exactly say that David's the problem, since he's not. I'm just too... susceptible to influences. Like how I pick up other people's writing styles, I've picked up his slack-y-ness. And while he can do so, having less classes (I think?), it's not something I can afford to do. I've distanced myself by spending most of the time out elsewhere, studying, but I'm still going to bed at early hours of the morning (Hey, there's a good reason for this: I don't have to get distracted by thought so "need food- it's dinner/lunch/breakfast time!" - I get one big chunk of 10 hours from right after dinner to work with. I'm sure Lady would agree.)

But we know from research that this is bad for me. In terms of health (acne, immune system, etc.), in terms of thinking abilities. Everything.

I keep saying that things have to change, but nothing changes.

--

Oh well, on the brighter side, I'm now part of the IEEE workshop committee. How did this happen? Heh, I circled everything on the survey of what you want to see as a workshop. And I like the people I'm working with, I think. Hopes to a good year with them.

And I'm official one of the admin's for the Engineering Council server. I have now successfully debugged a perl script there, done user support (kinda), and modified code on the server. Not that the code's gone live yet, but hey. Stuff.

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